Finding God in the Gap

If I were an animated character from a movie, I'd probably be "Joy" from the movie Inside Out.

If you've seen the movie, it is based on emotions in a young girl's brain and the ways they interact and guide her. Each of the characters in the movie, Sadness, Grief, Disgust, Anger and Joy, each have their own specific roles and jobs to help the girl grow and thrive. But Joy, she likes to keep it all happy, all upbeat, all good, all the time...she is the one I relate to most. Throughout the movie Joy learns that sometimes Sadness is also needed, sometimes these other emotions must be embraced to grow and thrive. While it is a cute kids' movie and my kids laugh when Anger gets mad and shoots fire out of his head, it is also a pretty deep emotional concept; one that ties into a lot of what God has been teaching me lately. Sorrow and disappointment are not the enemy, but are sometimes necessary in our lives (or in my case, in my children's lives) for us to discover God in a new way.

As my kids grow from babies into school age kids, it is amazing to watch them grow and mature in many ways. Physically, I no longer have to change diapers or buckle them into car seats. Instead I see them do flips on the bars at the school playground or hear updates of amazing football plays on the field during recess. Intellectually, they can read, write, and tell jokes (well, kinda). And socially they are discovering the world of peers with increasing influence and importance to them each year. These school years can be wonderful, but they can also be tough in many ways. Sometimes peers are not always nice, sometimes they are not included, often times things do not turn out as they hope or expect, and many times they do not perform, act or respond as they know they should. While there are still carefree and fun days, my kids are also experiencing days with hurt feelings, with sorrow, with frustration, with disappointment. For better or for worse, this is a part of maturity. We will experience many emotions through various circumstances as we grow, and we learn to cope as we walk through them.

Disappointment by definition means "sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations." Disappointment comes from the gap between expectation and reality. I'll be honest, I do not like disappointment. And while it is bad enough to find yourself disappointed, seeing your kids or someone you love experience disappointment is even less fun.

What do I want to do as a mom when my kids are disappointed? I want to fix it. I want to find a happy button and push it. Make them feel better, keep them from experiencing any sorrow or disappointment. I want to be Joy and only Joy.

But more than just wanting my kids to be happy, I want them to be strong, I want them to be resilient, I want them to develop a relationship with God that is the basis for their stability and security. I want these things for my kids, for my spouse, for my family and friends, I want them for myself. I am learning that much of this is discovered in "the gap" of disappointment. It is not from comfort and happiness that we grow strong and resilient, but in adversity, in hardship, in disappointment, in trials. As a body gains strength from overcoming resistance, so we become strong and resilient when we walk through hard times. I am reminded of the words of Paul from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul delighted in weakness and in difficulties, as crazy as it sounds, because he knew that in it he was made strong. And I love that we see where the strength comes from in this passage. It is not just Paul pushing through with pure grit, it is a strength that is ultimately found in Christ. It is Christ's power, resting on Paul, because he needed it because of the difficulties he faced. Prior to this discovery, we see Paul pleading with God to remove this hardship, but God did not do so (2 Cor 12:7-8). And likewise, as a mom (and also for myself), I can find myself asking for the hardship to be removed. Because really, does anyone like to feel weak? To feel insulted, persecuted? To face hardships and difficulties? And I'll add, to be sad or disappointed or frustrated? I sure don't. It is not wrong to ask God to take "it" away, but when He doesn't we can be sure that even in the trial God is at work. For it is in the presence of the hard times that Paul discovers the strength and power of Christ in him in a way he may not have known aside from these struggles. Likewise, when we face hard times, when our kids face them, we can delight in knowing that it is an opportunity to discover the power of Christ in us, in them, for when we are weak we are strong. If I want my kids to be strong, I need to put down my happy button sometimes and let them work though disappointments in order to find the strength God puts within them.

Like Paul, we can change the way we see disappointments, trials, and struggles that we face. Rather than seeing them as something to be rid of, we can see them as an opportunity to find a new depth of relationship with Jesus. We can see them as a special invitation for His power to rest on us in a new way. As believers in Jesus, we are free to find God in the gap of disappointment. We are free to embrace that when we are weak we are strong, because of Jesus.

One final thought...if we find ourselves continually disappointed, this could be an indication that our hope is misplaced. Disappointments can reveal misplaced expectations.

I love the words of David in Psalm 62.

5 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. 7 In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God.

8 Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.

When our expectation is set upon God alone, we will discover that there is no gap. Setting our expectation on people, on circumstances, or even on ourselves will let us down. But when we choose to make God alone our expectation, we will find that He is our rock, our defense, our salvation, our strength. Thus I exhort you as David did, "Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

So while joy is good and right, it is not the only thing. If you find yourself (or someone you love) in a season of trial or hardship or disappointment, or just having a sad day, may you be free to see it as an invitation to find God in the gap. May it serve as a reminder to make God alone your expectation, that you may find Christ to be your strength, your refuge, and your salvation. May you see it as an opportunity to have His power rest on you, to discover that when you are weak you are strong...because of God's strength in you.